I was not prepared for what my new found friendship would become that night.
Like each night for the past month, we had been texting. We would stay up late, later than I usually would, just to talk and enjoy each other. Books and writing were discovered as mutual loves and we bonded over those. That developed into rants and theoretical conversations.
After about 2 or 2 and a half weeks, we planned a meet up over our November break off of school. We spent the day watching a couple movies at his house like Big Hero 6. Just things he was surprised I hadn’t seen before and he loved. That day was around the time where I started wondering if I felt he could be more than a friend.
I spent many nights after over-analyzing our conversations (like I do for everything) and reflecting on how I felt with him in comparison to other quick, obvious crushes. This felt, unplanned, in a good way. As if this unplannedness and subconscious way of developing a crush was more genuine. A feeling fluid like sound adapting to its space.
This specific day held many realizations. For both of us. As always, our conversation started by talking about our days. His day was simple as always. Earlier that day, in our creative writing class, I had my best in-person conversation with him. For reference, at this time I was a very closed person and an observer rather than being involved. So this conversation was a huge step for me. I, being my shy self, said, “I had a great conversation with my crush today.” He did not understand that in the way I intended. Turns out, he liked me in that way as well but believed I meant someone else. I discovered the next day, this was “confirmed” for him by someone who I had barely even said 2 sentences to before.
I had hurt him by vaguely talking about him and allowing someone else to tell him information about myself. We moved on to different topics for a few more hours as I worked on homework. It came to the point he decided to say goodnight, around 9, which was earlier than ever before for him. I happened not to be tired yet, so I stayed up continuing talking to my best friend. Then, she dropped a small bomb in the conversation. He was still awake and talking to her about me.
I immediately began pressing her for details on what he was saying. The one thing he said that stuck in my mind was “She makes me feel good and better and happy like I haven’t felt in years.” It made me smile from ear to ear for the rest of the night. I pushed her for more. She talked about how he was saying he was so sad I liked someone else and felt comfortable to talk to him about it. My vague mention of him did not work and I had to fix things.
I begged her to convince him to text me and talk through the situation. He kept refusing saying he was too scared or it was weird because he said goodnight or because I wouldn’t feel the same way. This went on for so long I felt it necessary for her to tell him. Tell him I liked him that way. He did not know she was narrating everything to me so I couldn’t tell him myself. His reaction was utter shock. He could not believe that his information was wrong and I could possibly like “someone like him”.
That was the day before the rest of my life began.
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